Sample Hum. 110 paper
Take a look at the commentary in red for recommendations on how the following writing selection has been successful and how it might be improved. Linked passages indicate some (though certainly not all) portions of the text that contain grammatical/spelling errors or that could simply be rephrased to clarify the passage's meaning. If you click on any of these passages you will be referred to resource guides, handouts, etc. that describe the rules and conventions related to the particular issue. Perhaps you can see some problems with the text that the editor did not . . .
Hesiod's Three Tiers of Justice
But the immortals decreed that man must sweat to attain virtue; the road to it is steep and long and rough at first, but even so the journey gets easy once you set foot on the peak. Best is the man who thinks for himself and sees how things will turn out at the end. (Works and Days, 189-194)
Hesiod, if the decision were his, would have a race of men that would make themselves responsible for preserving honor and perpetuating a resounding atmosphere under which all men would be compelled to treat one another with mutual respect and refrain from perpetrating wrong onto one another. However, he is aware that the achievement of such a state, considering the nature of man, would require an uphill climb on the part of each individual. Hesiod knows that many will not be willing to put forth the effort. "[One] can choose evil , and heaps of it, too, / for its house lies near and the path to it is smooth." (87-88) Seeing this as true, that "evil" is the easier of two paths, and that many men will inevitably choose this route, Hesiod concedes the existence of injustice. The existence of injustice is the point of departure from which Hesiod is able to create a definition for justice. Justice exists, for Hesiod, when those that perpetrate injustice, those that incite the anger of Zeus, are punished, and when those that refrain from injustice and are pleasing to Zeus are rewarded.
Men whose justice is straight know neither hunger nor ruin, but amid feasts enjoy the yield of their labors. For them the earth brings forth a rich harvest; and for them the top of an oak teems with acorn and the middle with bees. Fleecy sheep are weighted down with wool (230-234).
But far-seeing Zeus, son of Kronos, is the judge of wanton wrongdoers who plot deeds of harshness. (238-239)
Then the son of Kronos sends a great bane from the sky, hunger and plague, and the people waste away. (242-243)
[Notice that here the writer has given validity to an otherwise very strong and general assertion by the use of a series of quotes: this is a relatively sophisticated technique, and if executed properly can give a paper a nice rhythm.)
A reader whose experience has been characterized by Western society will find that this idea of justice, i.e. the "crime" followed by retribution and the pleasing deed followed by rewards, is indeed not at all foreign and consequently rather uninteresting. What is worth noting, while exploring in and around Hesiod's conception of justice, is the device through which justice is carried out, the judicial "system," and the absolute faith that Hesiod places in that system's immutability. Specifically, Hesiod builds a three-tiered judiciary body that sees to it that no mortal shall escape justice. [Clear, direct thesis statement. Although the writer might have specified what tiers he is referring to, the organization and direction of the argument remain clear to the reader. Notice, for example, how he leads into his first area of analysis.]
The first and oldest tier came into being when the kosmos was formed. Indeed, it is contemporary to Gaia and Chaos. This tier exhibits the rudimentary foundation for justice, the succeeding tiers are subordinates, in that they cannot operate without the elementary infrastructure provided by this first tier. The ideals it sets forth cannot be undermined by men or gods, it is the supreme law of the kosmos. At the same time, however, it is also the most vague and offers no concrete bounds for the conduct of mortals per say.
[Zeus] said that he would not wrest away the rights of those who would fight with him against the Titans and that each god would retain his previous honors. He said that those deprived of rights and honors by Kronos would lay just claim to them. (Theogony, 392-396)
Even in this period before Zeus and the Olympians do battle with the Titans, where it would seem that chaos dominates, and that the immortals are partaking in the most random acts of procreation and quarrel, there still exist basic "honors" and "rights" that are innately inherent to specific gods and goddesses. Adherence to this framework, where each god(dess) conforms to fit specifically whichever rights and honors were delegated to him/her is the very infrastructure that the first tier of justice provides. Other integral parts of this first tier are embodied in some of the very personalities that are "born" in this pre-Olympian era. Most notable are the Furies, who are the first to convey the notion of retribution for wrongdoings, and Oath, a player of a quintessential role in that false oaths and false verdicts are to become the staple ingredients for the notion of injustice. The presence of injustice is necessary in that justice would not exist without it. Oath is a powerful force and is binding even among the immortals. Divinities swear oaths by the river Styx and indeed there is retribution in store for any god(dess) that perpetrates injustice by swearing a false oath.
If any of the gods who hold the peaks of snowy Olympos pours a libation of this water and then swears a false oath, he lies breathless for no less than a full year's course; (793-795)
And when the illness is over at the long year's end, another, even harsher, trial is in store for him. For nine years he is an outcast to the eternal gods (799-801).
[There are a few technical problems with this paragraph. The phrase "innately inherent" is redundant and, coupled with the gender delineations (him/her), contributes to the complex style we see here. On the other hand, the individual ideas of the paragraph flow smoothly into one another, particularly because of the writer's appropriate use of transitional tags ("other integral parts," "most notable," etc.).]
The first tier acts as a constitution of sorts for the entire conception of justice. Its precepts are binding in that the succeeding tiers, which play more active roles in the administration of justice, must adhere to them. The Olympian gods, for example, must carry out justice on the second tier, yet in doing so, they cannot step outside of the boundaries created by the first tier. [The writer does a very good job here of summarizing the argument made in this portion of the paper. The transition to the second area of analysis is also well done, although the analogy could be made a bit clearer. See Transitions handout.]
If the first tier is a constitution, then the second tier is a high court. It came into being after the Olympians ousted the Titans and Zeus assumed his role as the omnipotent figure presiding over gods and men.
then, through Gaia's advice, they unflaggingly urged Olympian Zeus, whose thunder is heard far and wide, to rule over the gods, and he divided the titles and power justly. (883-885)
This marks the beginning of the rule of the anthropomorphic gods and the dawn of active observance of justice. The symbolic gesture of this phenomenon is embodied in the birth of the namesake of justice: "[Zeus'] second wife was radiant Themis; she bore the Seasons, / Lawfulness and Justice and blooming Peace." Justice acts as the attorney general, bringing suit against those who perpetrate injustice. Zeus himself is judge and jury, as well as the issuer of a swift sentence.
Justice is a maiden and a daughter of Zeus; the gods of Olympos respect her noble title, and whenever men mistreat her through false charges she rushes to sit at the feet of Zeus Kronian and she denounces the designs of men who are not just, (Works and Days, 256-260)
So indeed, embodiments of injustice such as "[mistreating] suppliants and strangers," (327) "[sleeping] with you brother's wife," (328) "[wronging] someone's orphaned children / or [flinging] cruel words at aging parents," (330-331) shall not go unpunished for indeed, "[t]he eye of Zeus sees all, notices all;" (267). In fact, the justice issued forth from this second tier is immutable, the divine retribution intended for wrongdoers is unavoidable. "He that wrongs another man wrongs, above all, himself, / and evil schemes bring more harm on those who plot them." (265-266) Hesiod's puts religious faith in the principle of second tier justice. As certainly as he believes in Zeus, he believes in the existence of the justice that is the will of Zeus, for, "there is no way to escape the designs of Zeus." (106) In short, "...people pay for reckless deeds and evil plans." (261) Those that live their lives in ways that are pleasing to Zeus, however, are swiftly rewarded. "Zeus who sees far and wide blesses the affairs / of the man who knows justice and proclaims it before the public." (280-281)The second tier is probably the most important portion of Hesiod's conception of justice. Within it is a potent judiciary body that is exact and omnipresent in its proceedings. Quite like the notion of Karma, it sees to it that evil acts are punished and righteous acts are rewarded, no exceptions. [Notice how the writer has set up the parenthetical notes in this paragraph. Because there are so many references to the primary text, this paragraph is an excellent demonstration of why parenthetical notes are so useful: they offer citation information without breaking up the rhythm of the paper. The writer might consider, however, the possibility of using emphasizing words not containing "in" ("indeed," "in fact," etc.). In general, the writer is able to structure sentences in a wide variety of fashions. Such a change might really add to the readability of the prose.]
The third tier is the low court. It consists of that practices of justice that man creates for himself. In it are the steps that man attempts to make in order to oversee his own affairs. Actual court cases, as well as verdicts and decrees issued forth from the aristocracy are the embodiments of third tier justice. Justice on this level is flawed, however, it does not work on the same level of exactness as does the second tier.
As matters stand, may neither I nor my son be just men in this world, because it is a bad thing to be just if wrongdoers win the court decisions. (270-272)
Hesiod realizes that men are indeed lacking in their conceptions of justice, he even looks to the future and issues a grim prophecy. [Beware of phrases like "lacking in": I don't think the writer means that men have NO conceptions of justice because the paper addresses, in large, the juridical philosophy of Hesiod-- the writer, the man . . ..] Hesiod says that if humans continue in this current path away from righteousness then someday:
The man who keeps his oath, or is just and good will not be favored, but the evil-doers and scoundrels will be honored, for might will make right and shame will vanish. Base men will harm their betters with words that are crooked and then swear they are fair. (190-194)
Hesiod is fully aware that justice, when taken into the hands of men, is indeed not just at all. This fact does not devastate Hesiod, however, because he reaffirms his faith in the second tier. He says, "But I do not believe yet that Zeus's wisdom will allow this (the survival of injustice)." (273) Indeed, the second tier shall remain omnipresent, and the will of Zeus and the work of his daughter, Justice, shall overrule any injustice perpetrated upon the third tier.
Justice howls when she is dragged about by bribe-devouring men whose verdicts are crooked when they sit in judgment. Weeping and clothed in mist, she follows through the cities and dwellings of men, and visits ruin on those who twist her straight ways and drive her out. But those who give straight verdicts and follow justice, both when fellow citizens and strangers are on trial, live in a city that blossoms, a city that prospers. (220-227)
Whether or not man's attempts at justice are successful, retribution will indeed be visited upon wrongdoers and gifts upon those that do good. [A powerful, concise, and appropriate conclusion to the body of the paper. This has been executed very well.]
Hesiod is a lucky man in that he is free of the angst associated with the knowledge of the existence of injustice. He has complete faith that the three-tiered system will not fail in delivering justice unto all mortals. Perhaps, on the third tier, man will be able to issue forth a proper verdict. If this tier is insufficient to allow the full path of justice, then the proceedings will be taken over by the second tier. At this point Zeus and his daughter will see to it that the matter is settled. They shall have free reign to operate in any matter they see fit so long as it conforms to the eternal ideals put forth at the dawn of time by the first tier.
Hesiod's conception of justice is perfect so long as one can maintain a powerful faith in the second tier. A twentieth century observer may encounter some problems doing that. Without a strong religious commitment, one might have trouble putting absolute faith in the fact that what goes around is actually going to come around. What if someone could perpetrate injustice and simply slip through, avoiding any sort of punishment? Also, it is evident that a twentieth century victim might not be satisfied in the belief that whoever was responsible for certain injuries will "get his/hers." Today justice would have it that wrongdoers are punished directly in a way that fits the crime, so that they are aware of the injustice they have perpetrated.
I suppose this is why Hesiod is better off writing from Archaic Greece rather than from twentieth century America. He occupies a position of faith worthy of envy, for indeed, in his eyes, justice will be done. [Simple, but powerful, closing sentence. The conclusion to this paper may be a bit longer than it needs to be and the reflections seem to be more scattered than in the rest of the paper. Nevertheless, it is worthwhile to consider some of the techniques this writer has employed: the writer relates the paper's thesis to both a twentieth-century reader and Hesiod. The conclusion offers several conjectures that, when organized into a more succinct form, could prove extremely effective in prompting the reader to do further research on the topic. Take a look at the Conclusions handout.]
All in all, this is an excellent paper. The thesis statement proposed at the outset lends a natural and systematic organization to the paragraphs that follow and is never lost in the course of tangential arguments. The writer loses sight of neither the paper's purpose, nor the importance of addressing the subject of justice from the author's (Hesiod's) point-of-view. There are occasionally stylistic and technical errors in the body of the paper (an excess of "indeed", typos, complicated sentence structures, etc.), but the obvious sophistication of the writer's style leads us to believe that revision could produce an even more persuasive argument.