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But We Can't Tell
Although today’s college parents may exchange copious communiqués
with students about everything from the daily menu in the dining hall to word-for-word
exchanges with a professor, they are sometimes surprised to learn that a 1974 federal
law can limit their access to basic information about their collegian’s progress.
A generation ago, grades, financial aid updates, and health records were routinely mailed
home. But the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) changed that, allowing
students to govern access to their records. Unless the student grants permission, a parent
can obtain such data only after submitting proof that the student is a dependent for
tax purposes. Before they take umbrage, parents should know that FERPA might be their
own doing. It is largely a political legacy of the same 1970s student activism that led
to the repeal of the military draft and the lowering of the voting age to 18. |
Parent involvement, done right, can be good for the student and the college. Parents who understand
the college experience can be a source of support and encouragement. It is important, however,
to provide appropriate involvement, and that distinction can be a challenge to define.
When parents step in to protect their student from the occasional failure or make decisions for
their child, the student is unable to go through the stages of personal development that are
part of the college experience and that contribute to growth. As hard as it can be for a parent
to watch a child make mistakes and suffer consequences, student development professionals agree
that students learn the most by examining and overcoming their failures.
This is a progressive effort. Colleges and universities no longer take a sink-or-swim approach
with new students. Comprehensive student services are in place to help first-year students learn
the systems and gain the skills they need to succeed. The parent’s role in such a support
system is to encourage the student to understand and use available campus resources, not seek
to supplant them.
With each personal success in overcoming a challenge, the student gains confidence and prepares
to take on increasing levels of responsibility, figuring out how to assess decisions, weigh
consequences, set goals, and meet expectations. The issues that students face over the four years
of college will change and become more complex, as they first move into a residence hall with
supervision nearby, then move off campus and take on more personal challenges, and finally prepare
to move into the world beyond college.
The parent’s role, too, can evolve over the course of an academic career, as a student
becomes increasingly independent and develops other sources of support and advice, such as college
friends, a favorite professor, or a trusted adviser. This evolution should be seen as a sign
of growth and maturity, not a diminution of love or appreciation. As even long-time alumni know,
family ties remain strong throughout life, and even the most sophisticated and accomplished college
graduates still covet parental love and approval.