and students meet and compete at hoops
Frank Zornado, building supervisor, sports
The 14th annual Reed College basketball tournament championship
game this past spring was
a “Ding-Dang-Doo” good time as the Cowboys From Hell beat
the House Husbands (an alumni team) in the final, 27–25. Both teams
took different paths to make the final. The Husbands won their first game
by forfeit. Their opponents, the Pseudo Intellectuals, pulled a no-show.
They need a new title: The “Pseudo Basketball Players Who Can’t
In the first game for the Cowboys, their spurs and shooting were very
sharp as they carved open their first victim, the glamorous, dolled-up
Ball Hogs, 49–10. It was a slaughter. The poor Hogs weeble-wobbled
back to their sty, to talk to their mentor, Arnold Ziffel from TV’s
Green Acres. Arnold was not happy with their play. He squealed
at them, “You hogs played like pigs tonight.”
In the semi finals, the House Husbands upset the talented No Namers 38–27.
The No Namers played for the Reed basketball team this year, but those
pesky House Husbands used their pots and pans to block shots and their
frilly aprons to blind their opponents’ eyes.
In the second semi final, the Cowboys’ boots started to drag as
the Elder Griffs (a faculty and staff team) played their hearts out in
hopes of an upset. The Elder Griffs kept it close until time and age and
creaky bones and bad knees and mortgage payments and life insurance premiums
and phone calls to Dr. Kevorkian took their toll. The Cowboys put the
Elder Griffs out to pasture, 24–17.
So it was now the finals, and Cowboys From Hell started yelling “Yee-haw,
Rawhide” as they squeezed out a barnburner, 27–25. The win
should have an asterisk, as the House Husbands had so many people foul
out that they had to play the final minute with just three players. Again
the House Husbands were sent home to their wives. They would have to try
out to celebrate. They had no place to go so they mounted their horses
and wagons and drove them into a circle. The last thing they shouted was
“Look out for that circle!”