Basketball madness strikes Reed

The 15th annual Reed College basketball tournament championship game was, in the words of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, “excellent,” as the gangly Mustaphas beat those yearly chokers, the alumni team the House Husbands, in a super tight finish, 23–22.

The House Husbands opened with an easy win over the Crazy Assassins in the first round. Then they had to fight off the mysteriously named team the Dinks. The fans started chanting “the rinky Dinks stink” over and over. It wore down their confidence. The Dinks lost and were sent down the sink as if the House Husbands had poured their liquid Drano on them. I wonder if the House Husbands do windows? It did not matter. They were in the finals.

On the other hand, the Mustaphas were good. Really good. In their first round win, they should have changed their team name to Musta-Knew-We-Would-Win as they crushed Representation. Then they faced the Elder Griffs, a faculty–staff team, in the second round. The Elder Griffs tried hard but the Mustaphas mowed them over like a 20 lb. bowling ball hitting brittle toothpicks. The Elder Geezers, I mean Griffs, were left sprawled on the court, making “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” calls on their emergency responders. They were dragged off the court and sent packing.

In the finals, it was the House Husbands vs. the Mustaphas. The House Husbands must have watched a Dr. Phil show for advice on confidence, because they actually grabbed an early lead. The rough and tough Mustaphas came back and took a three-point lead with eight seconds left. But then the Mustaphas punched at a loose ball while rebounding and were assessed a double technical. The Husbands converted both free throws and got the ball back with two seconds and down by one point. The Husbands took the last shot and almost won but the ball careened out. Once again the House Husbands were denied a championship. They went home to their wives, who promptly made them do laundry and watch The Price Is Right. See you next year. End of Article

Frank Zornado is the building supervisor of the sports center